Writers Den

Marriage
and Family

What is a Family?

Common
Cultural Themes

On the surface, it would
appear that defining marriageand familywould be fairly straightforward, if not obvious. However,
sociologists have delved into these two institutions and learned that different
cultures approach both marriageand familyfrom unique perspectives, all of which illuminates the meanings of marriageand familyin ways that deepen your
understanding of both.

For example, look at some different termsdescribing
marriage, family, and related concepts:

• traditional Western family:one
  husband, one wife, and children
• polygynous family:one
  husband, multiple wives, and children

NPR,
Listen:Defending and Attacking
Polygamy in Saudi Arabia.

• polyandrous family:one
  wife, multiple husbands, and children
• sociological family:family
  composed of people who consider themselves related by ties of blood,
  marriage, or adoption, including same-sex partners
• household:not
  a family, but simply people who occupy the same housing unit
  (house, apartment, hacienda, hut)
• nuclear family:husband,
  wife, and children only
• extended family:nuclear
  family, plus grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and so on
• family of orientation:family
  in which someone grows up
• family of procreation:family
  formed when a couple has their first child
• adoptive family:family
  formed when a couple adopts their first child

In their research,
sociologists have also discovered that despite all of the variations of
marriage and family that occur, all cultures share certaincommon characteristicsthat
define marriageand family.

Those four global commonalitiesinclude:

• Rules or Norms Governing Mate
  Selection

• Endogamy:
  Members must marry within their group
• Exogamy:
  Members must marry outside their group
• The
  taboo against committing incestis
  considered exogamy in that sex and marriage between designated relatives
  (a first cousin, for example) is prohibited.

• Systems of Descent or Kinship

• Bilinear System:Tracing lineage
  and kinship from boththe
  mother’s and father’s side of the family; common in the West
• Patrilinear System:Tracing descent
  only from the father’s sideof
  the family; children are considered unrelated to their mothers
• Matrilinear System:Tracing descent
  only from the mother’s sideof
  the family; children are considered unrelated to their father

• Inheritance of Property

• Bilinear System:Inheriting
  property from both sidesof
  one’s family; common in the West
• Patrilinear System:Property is
  inherited only from the father’s
  sideof the family
• Matrilinear System:Inheritance
  rights are enjoyed only by members of the mother’s
  sideof the family (rarely occurs)

• Exercise of Authority

• Patriarchy:
  A social system in which men
  dominatewomen; the system that exists in
  nearly all cultures

• Matriarchy:
  A social system in which women
  dominatemen; it does
  not exist in historical records.
• Egalitarian System: Equalityin
  the exercise of authority over both sexes. Although gaining ground in
  the West, it is basically an unrealized ideal; even egalitarian customs
  have deep roots in patriarch

There are three groups of
sociological theorists that further define marriage and family from their
unique perspectives. You will now review how thefunctionalists, the symbolic interactionists, and the conflict
theoristsview marriage and family:

Three Sociological Views of Marriage and Family

Distinctive
Diversity Among American Families

Having examined the common
elements that marriageand family normsshare globally, you need to take a more focused look at how four
distinct and diverse groups within the United States cope with these two
important institutions, particularly since the typical American family does not
exist. What you like to think of as theAmerican family cannot be crammed into one neat definition box.

Therefore, a generalizedexamination
of the unique aspects and experiences of African Americans, Latino Americans, Asian Americans, and Native
Americanswill shed light on how marriage and family
issues affect four important subcultures in America.

African Americans. Primary concerns for
marriage and family issues reside in class structure (high, middle, and low)
and who marries whom. Family background, preservation of privilege and fortune,
respectability, achievement, education, hard work, and good jobs compose the central
values for upper- and middle-class African American families and marriages.
Lower-class African Americans face all that being poor in the United States
means: households headed by women, weak education, few job skills, high
unemployment, divorce and family desertion, and looking for help from others
(not necessarily blood relations).

Asian Americans. Family life for Asian
Americans also reflects social class, and it is nearly the mirror image of some
white families. Since Asian Americans immigrated to the United States from many
different countries, Asian culture-specific differences in how family and
marriage are viewed also exist, with more recent immigrants retaining stronger
Old Country ties than earlier arrivals. However, sociologists have identified
several distinctive characteristics that typify Asian American families.
Confucian values frame family life with respect to humanism, collectivity,
self-discipline, hierarchy, moderation, obligation, respect for the elderly,
and more permissive childrearing. The meaning of “obligation” to
Asian Americans is particularly resonant in that respect shown for family
members is highly important, as is each family member’s obligation to avoid
bringing shame upon his or her family.

Latino Americans. Latino American family
concerns fall somewhere between those of white and African American families,
in general. Latino American families face the same pressures of poverty,
privilege, and opportunity as African American families, but again, the social
class of the Latino American strongly determines the fortunes, goals,
aspirations, educational philosophies, and marriage choices made. The longer
Latino American families have lived in the United States, the more typically
middle class they become. Of note here, however, is that the country of originof a
Latino American family also affects choices made. (For example, did the
family’s ancestors arrive from Guatemala, Mexico, or Puerto Rico?) Religion,
language, disapproval of divorce, close-knit extended families, and strong
mothering of children have also been noted by sociologists.

Native Americans. The great tension at work
in Native American family and marriage practices involves the choice that must
be made between following traditional tribal values, languages, and beliefs, or
being absorbed into the broader culture of the United States (thereby
abandoning traditional ways). Closely matching the Latino American pattern
otherwise, Native Americans rely more heavily on their elders than most U.S.
families. Grandparents especially not only provide childcare but also teach and
discipline the family’s children. Again, however, the social class occupied by
the Native American determines how marriages and families function in the
greater American culture.

Happy or Unhappy?

Do all these similarities
and differences affect the success or failure of a marriage or family? No, they
do not. The relative happiness or unhappiness of a marriage or family exists
outside the boundaries of race and ethnicity, class and culture. Instead, they
are based on good or bad choices.

So, what makes a couple
happy? What makes a couple unhappy? Why do marriages succeed or fail? What
determines a happy family or causes an unhappy one?

A closer look at the
characteristics of both happy marriages and happy families will also help
explain why they may be unhappy. That is, if your marriage and family don’t
exhibit all or most of the following, you may be stuck in a relatively unhappy
union and live in a “dysfunctional” family.

The Happy
and Successful Marriage List:

• Spouses
  are also best friends.
• Spouses
  like each other as people.
• Marriage
  is considered a long-term commitment.
• Marriage
  is viewed as a sacred institution.
• Spouses
  have the same goals and aims.
• Spouses
  find each other more interesting as they grow older.
• Spouses
  work hard to make their relationship successful.
• Spouses
  enjoy each other and laugh together.

The Happy
Family List:

• Family
  members spend a lot of time together.
• Family
  members are quick to express appreciation of each other.
• Family
  members commit to promoting each other’s welfare.
• Family
  members talk with and listen to each other routinely.
• Family
  members are religious.
• Family
  members deal with crises and problems positively.

Unhappy
couples usually stay together for the sake of their children, for religious
reasons, or because of
family tradition. As a result, their families tend to be unhappy, too.

Current
Trends and the Future of Marriage and the Family

So, where are you headed
after generally and specifically noting aspects of marriage and the family
globally and in the United States?

It is obvious that race and ethnicityhold little significance for studying marriage and the family.
Instead, social class
and cultureare the two great
distinguishers. Whether one occupies an upper, middle, or lower class
contributes to one’s choices in marriage and family life and the structure of
both.

Trendsand predicting the futureare difficult, especially when such crystal-ball-gazing is aimed
at the broad sweep of marriage and family structural movements. However:

• Marriage
  will continue to be highly
  functional, continue to exist in every
  society, retain its importance to its practitioners, and be in no danger
  of extinction.
• More married womenwill
  join the workforce and continue to gain marital power, if not full
  equality.

CensusScope:Industry and Occupation.

• More
  couples are postponingmarriage
  and childbirth to later years than ever before, with the average age of a
  first-time bride and groom older than at any time in U.S. history. The
  same is true with the age at which women are having their first child.
• Cohabitation,
  engaging in a sexual relationship without being married, is steadily
  increasing. More couples would rather set up households without getting
  formally “hitched” than at any time in American history; this
  form of union is almost 10 times more common than it was 30 years ago.
• Single-parentfamilies
  are on the rise, with only 65 percent of the current U.S. population
  living in two-parent households.

• Unmarriedmothers
  in the U.S. have increased to 34 percent today. The reasons for this
  increase and their oddly placed cultural locations around the globe are
  obscure. Overall, more research is needed to understand the recent
  developments affecting births occurring out of wedlock.

NPR,
Listen:Fathers Taking More
Active Role in Raising Children.

• Twenty
  (20) percent (one in five) of families are deliberately choosing notto
  have children – a figure that is likely to rise.
• Blendedfamilies
  are increasing in number, representing the joining of prior marriages into
  new combinations of members and family structures.
• Same-sexcouples
  not only want to make lasting commitments to each other but also want
  children of their own. Otherwise, same-sex couples are indistinguishable
  from heterosexual couples. Again, social class will determine how same-sex
  couples continue to face the challenges of marriage and building families.
• Grandparents
  serving as parents will continue. These skipped-generation
  familiesarise because the parents of the
  affected children are incapable of raising them for a variety of social,
  legal, or medical reasons.
• A sandwich generationhas
  developed in which couples (typically aged 40-55 years) must raise and
  care for their parents as well as their children. Thus, they fill in the
  gap between the generation that preceded them and the generation that will
  follow them – competing responsibilities that will cause serious problems
  for marriages and families down the road.

Finally, sociologists can contribute greatly, through
continuing research, evaluation, and analysis, to help devise and recommend
social policies that will support and enhance the institutions of marriage and
family life.

Film Foray

Parenthood(1989) was nominated for two Oscars. Directed by Ron Howard and
starring Steve Martin as Gil Buckman, this film has it all! In a way, it
presents a college course on marriage and the family, as well as all the pain,
joy, sorrow, disappointment, and wonder that those two words convey. The cast
is superlative and includes Dianne Wiest, Mary Steenburgen, Jason Robards, Rick
Moranis, Keanu Reeves, and Joaquin Phoenix. It follows the lives of the members
of an extended family as they interact and struggle to cope with the pressures
of marriage, divorce, love, parenting, and raising themselves and their children.
Their stories are presented with great skill and dead-on sensitivity. It also
happens to be one of the funniest films ever made, with some truly unique and
unforgettable screen moments. It is perfect. You won’t find a better way to
learn about marriage and family. Five stars!

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